old girls network
Dear older ladies,
First off, do not be offended—by “older” I mean older than me and my friends—not old. Trust me, I’ve been well-trained by my mother that old is at least 10 years older than your current age.
“I just want to age gracefully,” mom says. I’m so lucky to have her as my primary example of godly femininity and she definitely continues to model this as she gets older. Not old. OLDER.
But many women my age and younger don’t have such a great role model, and even those of us who do could benefit from relationships with more than one. I’m writing to ask you to consider committing a few hours each week or even each month for this important job.
As women’s mentoring ministries have hammered into our brains for years, The book of Titus teaches this. And if you want to join or launch a “Titus 2″ group to match older and younger women, that would be a great start. But you don’t have to create anything formal or enlist other volunteers to begin making a difference for the women in my demographic—just choose one or two of us and initiate a relationship.
I know, that’s scary, but if you wait for us to approach you it will never happen. Although I’ve asked a few women to serve as mentors in my life, most of us don’t know we need help—or, if we know, we don’t realize we can ask.
And do we ever need it. We’re raising kids, raising step kids, trying to get pregnant, trying not to get pregnant. We’re reading “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” because we have no mother, big sister or aunt to clue us in. We’re choosing between homemaking and working outside the home and most of us are trying to do both, in houses with more convenience features than ever before that somehow we still can’t manage to keep clean. No one ever taught us to mend a hem or sew on a button. We can create websites from scratch but not a loaf of bread. We’re working in offices filled with men and holding our own (although still receiving less pay, but whatever). We’re looking at our marriages and wondering if we made the right choice and if we can make this last another forty years and if we want to and if we’re bad people when we don’t.
We need you—your wisdom, your sense of humor, your perspective, your practical help. We don’t expect the answer to every life question; we know we’re facing more choices than any previous generation of women, but we also know the important principles behind making those decisions haven’t changed. Some long-term coaching would be so helpful as we try to figure it all out.
Besides, there are still young women walking around in tube tops. Until every last one of us dresses attractively but modestly, consider yourselves on retainer. Because living gracefully applies to every age, young and old. I mean, older.
Jen
the last christmas pageant ever
I’m guessing at least 50% of you attended a “Harvest Party” or “Trunk-n-Treat” at your church last month, and at least 25% more attend a church that held one.
Which is all fine, as far as it goes, although I take issue with two of the most commonly given reasons for these sugar-fests: that they provide a safer alternative to traditional trick or treating, and that they are a powerful outreach activity to the community.
Although some local news stations still dust off the razor-blades-in-the-apples story each October, Snopes.com disproved every instance of candy tampering ever reported in conjunction with Halloween. It’s just a myth—as is, most likely, the adult who actually gave apples.
These events also fail to reach our communities. Lots of people may show up and the church might receive some good press. A few families may even return for a weekend worship service because of the experience they have on your campus—although I’d bet a Snickers bar your church doesn’t know if that’s happening. Meanwhile, we spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars recruiting volunteers, organizing games, and haranguing church members for candy donations.
Or there’s Christmas. I don’t have the Snopes link to prove it, but do you know anyone who became a Christian because of a Christmas cantata? Usually the audience for such things is comprised of the family and friends of those in the choir, most of whom are already believers. (This is doubly true for children’s programs.) Again, the investment of time and energy is out of all proportion to the spiritual ROI.
If we really want to show love to our neighbors at Halloween, we could follow the example of my own parents, who make a big pot of apple cider, park themselves in lawn chairs at the bottom of their driveway, and give cups of the hot drink to every tired, cold parent who comes along with his tiny princess/pirate/Disney character. They talk to their neighbors, serve them in a small way, extend friendship, and ooh and aah over little people in costumes. (They give candy, too, the good stuff—kids aren’t excited about cider.)
Or, like Journey Christian Church, we could organize a “Light Night” and challenge members to creatively transform their homes into places of light and welcome on this traditionally dark evening. My fellow blogger Arron, who serves as senior minister at Journey, says the church offered a variety of ways for people to participate (set up games or bounce houses, make popcorn or cotton candy, host costume contests, and–yes!–give out hot cider). Members were encouraged to distribute info about Journey’s programs for kids and copies of the Gospel of John along with the candy.
At Christmas, what if we asked church members to spend Wednesday night having dinner with a non-Christian neighbor instead of attending choir practice with lots of already-Christians? What if, instead of lining the sanctuary with video cameras to capture Junior’s debut as wiseman #3, we opened our homes for Advent parties for all our kid’s friends?
I’m really not lecturing—there’s more I can do in this area, too. But let’s be honest—we do Fall Fests and Christmas pageants because these things make us feel good. If we really wanted to serve and reach non-Christians, we’d be doing something else.
unbelievable #1
Amazing Grace Baptist Church to Burn Bibles, Other Books for Halloween: King James Bible ‘Only True Word of God’
The pastor of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, North Carolina plans to celebrate Halloween by leading his fourteen member congregation by burning Bibles. Pastor Marc Grizzard is not a Satan worshiper or a militant atheist.
Pastor Grizzard says that he is a Christian. However it seems that the Amazing Grace Baptist Church believes that only the King James Version of the Bible is the true word of God and that all other versions are “perversions” and “Satanic.” Along those same principles, Pastor Grizzard intends to burn books written by Christian authors such as Billy Graham and Rick Warren.
Click here to read the rest…
10/25/09: An update: “We are not burning Bibles written in other languages that are based on the Textus Receptus. We are not burning the Wycliffe, Tyndale, Geneva or other translations that are based on the Textus Receptus. We will be serving bar-b-que chicken, fried chicken and all the sides.”
face the music
In Christian circles we like to quote Romans 12 and say worship is a lifestyle and not really about music at all. In fact, my blogging comrade Arron wrote a good post about this last week, and I agree with the points he makes.
However, while we say this, we plan “worship services” which usually include mostly music and a sermon. The budgets for “worship” and the “worship staff” and “worship programs” are often some of the largest in the entire church. And many meetings, conferences, blogs, and books revolve around rehearsing, resourcing, and relevant-izing these 15-30 minutes of music each week.
One of my friends plans to start a church that moves away from this focus. In fact, he plans to include no music in their weekly gatherings at all; instead he’ll include observational and improvisational comedy that he believes will connect more easily and more genuinely with a non-Christian crowd.
He asked me to join a small team for a day-long meeting to brainstorm about this new project, and I’d love to hear your thoughts before I fly to California next week. Why has singing and playing music become the only method for corporate worship? Is it a problem for us to know that worship is an attitude of honoring God in every moment but to talk like it’s singing—preferably with ecstatic emotion—for 20 minutes on the weekend? Are there other, equally biblical ways to “do church”?
take nine
Two weeks ago today, I and 20,000 of my closest friends spent hours watching segments of “The Nines,” 9+ hours—beginning at 9:09 am on 09/09/09—of videos from some of the evangelical world’s most influential voices. Each “speaker” had just nine minutes to answer the question, “If you could say one thing to Christian leaders, what would it be?”
Of course, some went over nine minutes, and there was a lot of alliteration and three-part outlines. But my favorite was this simple but powerful one by Skye Jethani, the managing editor of Leadership Journal. If someone asked me the question, I’d probably just reply, “What Skye said.” He has three points, but they’re good ones—and only eight minutes, too!
group thinking
As thrilling as my Labor Day activities are (a long nap on the couch and vacuuming up wallpaper scraps from a weekend extravaganza of DIY), I keep thinking about a Facebook conversation last week. On Friday, I realized it had been several years since I’d participated in a small group and I didn’t miss it at all. I posted this thought on Facebook and Twitter to see if others agreed or if I was a spiritual leper, and got a mixture of responses.
One insightfully pointed out that introverts like me don’t feel the need for this kind of enforced togetherness as much as more extroverted temperaments do, but it’s still important.
Another agreed that if you have a healthy support system of friends and read the Bible on your own, a group’s not necessary.
Others said perhaps we should focus on what we bring to a group rather than what we get from it; one lamented this perspective as the churchy argument of small group gurus, another kindly defended it.
I’ve written about this issue before; when I joined a group in California a few years ago it struck me I already had a small group of close friends to “do life with” and wasn’t likely to build similar relationships with a gaggle of acquaintances over discussions of John Ortberg books and lukewarm soda.
I still feel that way, but last week’s FB conversation showed I am not just pragmatic, I’m selfish—because I don’t want to give up 2-4 hours a week to “be a blessing” in a group I get nothing from. I’m not interested in praying for your son’s friend’s mother’s job, or hearing you tell a group member every week that they need to “just trust God,” or listening as someone pontificates her opinions about the assigned chapter she didn’t read.
“The bottom line for me is that, as Christians, we are all part of the body of Christ,” wrote the small groups supporter on Facebook. “No matter how flawed we may be, we need to stick together and find some way to be connected with other Christians…it doesn’t have to be the same for everyone…it might be a small group, a Sunday school class, a service group, the list goes on…but we shouldn’t be out there all by ourselves, even if we think we are fine.”
I can’t argue with that, but I also refuse to spend another night of my life forcing artificial community with strangers. I think the solution is LTGs.
Neil Cole, author of Organic Church, Search and Rescue and Organic Leadership, has built a church planting movement around these Life Transformation Groups. Each group has just two or three members of the same gender, and each member reads lots of scripture (around 30 chapters each week), confesses his sins to the others, and prays with them for others who need Christ.
Like so many other things, this idea’s simplicity is its effectiveness. A focus on Scripture—not study guides or “Christian living” books—can challenge anyone from day-old believers to lifetime Christians. Very small groups force authenticity and provide accountability. Confession and prayer cut through Christian cliche and forge the “bonding” small group pastors long for.
It’s a back to basics approach that allows people of every spiritual maturity level to grow deeper, and to do it in community. It’s also the only type of group I’ll consider participating in. Now that I’ve alienated every publisher of small group material, I’ll go back to my Labor Day.
the parent trap
When I was young, my parents determined what I ate, what I wore and—as much as is possible with a strong-willed child—how I behaved. (They also determined the punishments when I misbehaved.) That’s what parents do.
Now my folks and I relate as adults. I still honor their role, and I try to submit to them as I would to any other believer, but all three of us set boundaries and make our own choices. We even argue occasionally.
In last week’s enews from Crossroads Christian Church in Anthem, AZ, lead pastor Steve Wyatt wrote about the difference between parent-child forms of interaction (in which one participant assumes a domineering role and the other passively submits) and the adult-adult form (in which two adults relate to each other as peers).
Steve says, “Far too often, the church traffics in the realm of the Parent-Child relationship. Leaders function in the role of the authoritative “Dad” and faithfully discharge their duties in a rather dictatorial fashion.
In some church traditions, Christians aren’t taught how to think, they’re told what to think. They’re handed a creedal statement and told to memorize it. Young people are given lists of ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ rather than schooled in the art of discernment and wisdom…..
The fact is, the single most popular approach in religion is the Jim Jones model of discipleship (remember him?). He’s the grape Kool-Aid cult leader who led nearly 1000 people to follow him right into the jaws of self-imposed death. That’s the approach of many in religious circles: Treat your flock like mindless children. Demand their acquiescence. Keep them dependent on you and you alone for life’s answers. Create dependency over discipleship.
That’s the Parent-Child approach to church leadership. And it works. In fact, dare I say it? Most of the so-called ‘megachurches’ in our culture function according to this model.”
These are bold statements. And, in some ways, correct ones. I know several megachurch ministers who prefer this parent-child method. (I’ll send you a list for $19.95 plus shipping and handling.)
I also know some who take this approach with their staff; in fact, just last week I heard about another one, a pastor who, without all the facts, belittled a staff member’s ministry and questioned the person’s key relationships under the guise of helping the person “be a good example.” Instead of acting like a spiritual leader, inviting the staff member’s perspective, or—at the least—treating the person like a team member, the pastor mandated conformity to his uninformed ideas of what the staffer’s life should look like.
But I also know senior leaders who quite rightly would bristle at the implication they want church members or staff to mindlessly follow them. Of course, they teach the scriptures unapologetically; adult-adult relationships are not about diluting the truth or making everyone feel good. But some issues really do have more gray than black and white, and many leaders really do want people to study, pray, and develop their own faith.
Which is also God’s preference. If anyone has the right to invoke a parent-child dynamic, it’s the Father, but he requires us to make choices, experience consequences and “work out our salvation with fear and trembling.”
It’s easier, quicker, and more satisfying in the short term to tell people what to think, how to behave, or how to feel; it’s much more difficult and time-consuming to dialogue, explain, and listen. It requires more maturity to accept conflict and messiness as part of the process, and to accept that the process may take decades.
Basically, it requires people to be adults, and the root problem is many leaders—in and outside the church—never learned to relate this way. In these situations we must still honor their roles and submit to their authority. But we can also set boundaries, make choices, and even argue occasionally. It’s what adults do.
ask force
Love this. Little things matter!
name brand
If you haven’t already, you’ll want to read the extra article about church branding in this week’s megachurch-themed Christian Standard, then vote in CS’s branding competition featuring 16 megachurch logos. (If the link to the contest doesn’t work, try, try again—they’re working on it.)
As I voted I found myself being drawn to certain logos but unable to articulate why. Most likely it’s because they followed the simple-but-not-easy strategy outlined in Fillinger’s article and suggested by countless other marketing professionals–figure out who you are and what you’re about, then allow those priorities to determine your message and its visual expression.
In other words, the public should receive not just a visual impression of your logo on their eyeballs, but an emotional impression full of connotations about your ministry and its values.
For instance, this logo from Aspen Grove Christian Church here in Nashville uses what my realtor would call “designer colors” to create a contemporary feel. The crown of thorns and prayer images display serious topics, but the line drawings give a sense of informality. The tree connects to the church’s name, and a combination of fonts ties it all together. This logo makes me want to find out more.
So does this one, for very different reasons. Verve, Vince Antonucci’s just-starting church in Las Vegas, lives up to its memorable name with this eye-catching logo. In addition to the full image shown here and on the church home page, I’m betting Verve will also use just the red V to brand itself in Vegas—clever.
Amor Ministries and Restore Community Church also use logos to begin telling their stories. You don’t have to know the meaning of “amor” or be familiar with the organization’s purpose to understand this is a ministry focused on love and providing shelter. Similarly, the progression of patchy to solid color in Restore’s name visually illustrates the church’s mission of, well, restoring people from brokenness to wholeness—and the arrow is a great touch.
Has your organization unified its message and medium effectively, or do you have some work to do? What are some logos (church or otherwise) that connect with you?
Jennifer Taylor
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