call waiting
A few weeks ago, Dave Ferguson summarized Frederick Buechner’s famous quote as his Facebook and Twitter status: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
I wrestle with this perspective because I have yet to find my “deep gladness.” Believe me, I’ve tried—I’ve prayed, fasted, and evaluated my spiritual gifts. (For the record, I don’t know what those are, either.) I’ve “first, broken all the rules” and “now, discovered my strengths.” I even participated in a very thorough and helpful SIMA analysis. (At the end the consultant told me he thought my profile and giftedness is the same as Martha Stewart’s except I’m not a jerk. Except he didn’t say jerk.)
I care about things; I’m all for clean water in Africa and ending urban poverty and planting new churches. I like most animals more than many humans and I’m good at growing tomatoes. But I wouldn’t say drilling wells or starting churches or protecting animals or feeding the poor (even with my produce) are consuming passions.
For years I thought it was just a matter of pointing the flashlight at the right corner of my soul—that a latent passion would spring into life if I strained the eyes of my heart into the dark. I remember saying in college, when I first hit my head against this wall while trying to choose a major, “If God would just TELL me what he wants me to do with my life, I would do it. Anything. He knows I will. Why won’t he tell me?”
I thought everyone had felt a call on their life and had a passion for something and struggled with burdens on their hearts during seasons of ministry and other such Christianese crap. (Perhaps the Martha Stewart comment has some truth.)
And I think some people do, just as I think God probably does handpick spouses for a few people. What safety, what comfort in those thoughts! But how much scarier to ponder the (much more biblical) feedback I received from one wise mentor: What if there are many professions we can pursue and people we could marry? What if God gives us guidelines for making the decisions but loves us enough to give us freedom? What if he’ll be pleased with any choice as long as we honor him while living it out?
I re-posted the quote on my own Facebook and Twitter pages with the question, “What if you have no great passion?” And another wise friend commented, “The Bible says to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. Love God and love others. We make it way too hard.”
I don’t think Buechner is a bad guy (or Dave, for that matter—he’s a great guy). But I have some problems with American Christianity’s myth that God will map out our lives for us. Perhaps his great gladness is watching us chart the course for ourselves.
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Jennifer Taylor
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On the side, I know what word the consultant used instead of “jerk.” It seems to be widely used by people who do personality testing. Bill Cosby also used it once to good effect.
On target, I affirm completely what you affirm about this. And here’s a little story about it.
In 1980, Garry Friesen published a book entitled Decision Making and the Will of God offering the challenge to the evangelical community that God’s will for individuals has more to do with faith and obedience than with particulars about who you marry, where you work, or what house you live in. While I was a student at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in 1984, Friesen presented a summary of his position to the student body in an open forum. The response was most emotionally charged that I had witnessed, more so than forums on historically controversial topics like infant baptism versus believers baptism.
I left wondering why so many of my classmates were so resistant to an idea that struck me as very biblical and commonsensical. I could only draw the conclusion that Friesen’s ideas cut deep for people who were in seminary because they believed that they were following God’s one-and-only will for their lives.
And now I wonder how many of those same people have experienced guilt and frustration because they can’t reconcile their experience after seminary with what they interpreted as a very specific calling.
We evangelicals (including Cambellites) have spiritualized and sanctified the rugged individualism of our culture via God’s will. Over the last 50 years rugged individualism has become narcissism. But when wrapped in “God’s call” or “God’s will for my life” narcissism doesn’t feel like itself.
We often apply it to work:
I too have struggled mightily with “God’s will for my life” (I have obtained 5 college degrees and am working on my 6th). When I grow up, maybe God will tell me. Otherwise, I’ll keep going through my childhood list: garbage man, fireman, cop, white pantyhosed nurse (whoops!), etc.
Leave it to me to misspell “Campbellites”. Soup anyone?
I completly agree, and just smile and say thank you when people give me the God’s got it all mapped out advice (and they give it ALL THE TIME). I just hope he never calls ME to be white pantyhosed nurse.
Good point on narcissism. That’s definitely part of it. For every Moses who sees a burning bush there’s a nation of people who don’t–and we all want to see ourselves as the Moses figure.
I think another part is fear of making our own choices, with all the mistakes and consequences that could entail. It’s a spiritual way of abdicating responsibility–if I can figure out what ministry or profession I’m “called” to, I don’t have to figure it out for myself or face the prospect of spending years exploring my options.
BTW, my childhood dream was to become a belly dancer, which I consider irrefutable proof that your first “calling” is not always the best one.
is writing part of your “deep gladness?”
Interesting question–yes, when I really think about it, reading and writing are the only answers that ring true. What about you? Anyone want to share theirs?
When I grow up I will be tall . . . I’ve been 5 foot 2 for almost 50 years now . . . almost as long as I’ve been God’s adopted daughter. Perhaps I am all I will ever be. Is that really so bad? Is there any chance that it’s enough to just be God’s and love your husband and children and grandchildren to pieces and enjoy making music and doing crafts and writing and talking about life. Do I have to be “special?” I’m getting really tired of trying to figure out how to leave my mark and what to do with my life now that my children are all out on their own. I think it would be great to just keep doing the things I’ve always done, loving and serving folks in ways that come to me, and let everyone else figure out where my mark is and what it looks like after I’m gone.
I’ve been 5′2″ for 20 years….when you figure out how to fix that, let me know.
For me it’s just about any kind of playing, but I can guarantee you all that play isn’t God’s calling for my life. But ask me to play basketball, soccer, tackle football, or tiddly winks, and I will be there to the glory of God!
wow. THE Jon Weatherly as the first comment! I’m kindof excited right now. In transplanting myself to the real south, I’ve met plenty of Christinese speaking AOGers and SOUTHERN Baptists; and my brother happens to attend a “new calvinist” body in elsewhere.. this concept of “LIFE CALLING” needs to be executed (like with lethal injection).. the fact that it CAN happen clouds the better judgement and torments the souls of the many many more folks for whom it is not true.
AND it seems to often be used in this passive-aggressive way to deceptively back out of ministry.. “I don’t think this is the call god has on my life” sounds way more churchy than “you work me too hard, and pay me too little. I’m leaving.” Which winds up enabling the situation, not improving it.
My thoughts
K Baker
Nashville.
Good seeing you last week.
Imagine the day – Jen Taylor is starting to sound like Jack Cottrell. “The leading [of the Holy Spirit] . . . is not a subjective enlightenment of the mind but an inward empowerment of the will.” (The Holy Spirit: A Biblical Study).
For the record, Forrest Gump made the definitive statement concerning determinism and chaos, “It’s a little of both.”
BTW, I enjoyed meeting your dad at the ECC last Sunday.
Great post.
i am thinking that we all think a little too highly of our selves if we sit around waiting for a burning bush experience…now don’t get me wrong…He loves us all dearly and gives us gifts , and knows us so well that He probably has a “best idea” for each one of us…but really…if He has a super specific task for us…He will let us know in no uncertain terms…there will be no question…If you haven’t got that message yet, then don’t wait around…get busy…make choices…but concentrate on becoming the person He wants you to be and loving the people in your path as you do it…i think he is more interested in out character than he is what profession we choose…wouldn’t you rather be known as a kind, compassionate, giving, garbage man rather than a selfish, rude, whiny missionary??? It’s what on the inside that matters…
My theory is that I don’t have a specific “calling” because I don’t have a close enough relationship with Christ. Doesn’t he lead us if we spend enough time in his presence? Is a lack of a “calling/passionate ministry” really a sign of a Christian who hasn’t matured?
Since you ask, my deep gladness is found in everything involved and everything God does in sermon preparation and delivery. But it scares the spackle out of me, because I’m a shy introvert who probably comes across as an antisocial, humorless, unsuccessful, stuck up weirdo in large crowd interaction in general, which leads me to wonder sometimes if my “call” is just some sort of disguised narcissism,and leads me to send out resumes, pray, turn down youth ministry offers, and work wherever I can find a job.
Anna, that feeling–that if we don’t have a calling we must be a sub-par Christian–is exactly why I wrote this post. I don’t think that’s biblical. My reading of scripture affirms that Christ does lead us as we draw close to him, but that leading may or (very probably) may not include specifics.
Anthony, thanks for your honesty. FWIW, some of the best preachers I know are introverts and deep thinkers.
With the caveat that I don’t have Scripture for any of this…
It’s always seemed to me that God doesn’t want me to wander aimlessly. As my Father, he’s provided good resources for me to use to make good and Godly decisions. In the Bible, whenever we see Him intervene to direct, it seems to be linked to a path that the receiver would not have chosen. One example that comes to mind is Hosea’s wife. His parents probably raised him to find a nice, Godly girl, yet God had a specific task for him that required otherwise.
After 35 years as a Christian, I’m sure of very few doctrines, but one of them is that my Father loves me with unbelieveable grace, and won’t let me stray if I’m open to good counsel and apply common sense (informed by everything He’s showing me in His word).
Jennifer, you are an incredible writer! Your honesty lights up the page. (And your sarcasm keeps me reading; I wish it was one of the spiritual gifts.)
I have always loved the Buechner quote. (Actually, I love most what Buechner writes. But now, you have rattled my cage a little. I guess I will need to re-visit it for a little more analysis.)
As Jon W points out, I have also felt the resistance to (what I consider biblical) teaching which de-emphasizes God’s intricate control over every aspect of our lives and focuses on our role to make wise decisions. “There’s a reason for everything, even though we don’t always understand” is one of the most misguided life and theological philosophies I face when teaching/preaching. And there is often confusion as individuals come up to discuss.
And as for “deep gladness,” my humble opinion is: there is not a single deep gladness, in the same way there is not a single “world’s deep hunger.” There are hungers in this world which resonate with my own spirit’s joy. And when those intersect, there is nice synergy.
Dan, so great to re-connect! Thanks for reading and for your nice words. I agree, I don’t think there’s always a Reason for everything; as Terry Wuske says, “sometimes a flat tire is just a flat tire.”
I am starting to think sarcasm may be my deep gladness….anyone want to comment on the biblical-ness of *that*?
Our generation has swapped sarcasm for wisdom and called it an even trade. So we watch John Stewart instead of CNN and we feel wise. Is that a sarcastic reply?
I love what Henry Blackaby has to say about this subject in Experiencing God:
“When you come to the Lord Jesus to seek His will for your life, which of the following requests more closely resembles the way you generally ask?
1)Lord, what do You want me to do? When do You want me to do it? How shall I do it? Where shall I do it? Whom do You want me to involve along the way? And please tell me what the outcome will be.
2)Lord, as You go with me, tell me what to do one step at a time. I will do it.
Isn’t the first response typical? We always ask God for a detailed road map. We say, “Lord, if You would just tell me where I am heading, then I will be able to set my course and go.”"
He also says, “What is God’s will for my life is not the right question. I think the proper question is, What is God’s will? Once I know God’s will, then I can adjust my life to Him. In other words, what is it God is purposing to accomplish where I am? Once I know what God is doing, then I know what I need to do.”