fail like you mean it
I’m sure you don’t struggle with this, but I look at innovators in technology, business, church planting, leadership, the arts, and many other fields and think one of two things: either…….
a) they make it look so easy, and here I am beating my head against the green walls of my office seeking just one halfway decent solution to one eighth of one problem – or -
b) I could totally do what they’re doing–why haven’t I received the opportunity?
As Dean Kamen charmingly and kindly reminds us in this short video from bigthink.com, both assumptions are incorrect. It’s not easy, and it’s not (usually) about being handed opportunities to shine—it’s almost always about hard work and failing a lot lot lot. Check it out.
private practice
I beat DOWN the Reader’s Digest word power quizzes. From “judicious” to “wainscoting,” I’m hard to beat.
This isn’t because I’ve tried to expand my vocabulary with flash cards—it’s just the natural result of almost 30 years of daily immersion in books and magazines. A lifelong love of reading has made me sesquipedalian.
My cousin’s wife, Amber, is a wonderful cook. After attending culinary school here and in Europe and interning at Martha Stewart’s TV show, she deglazes, she infuses, and she purees. From dicing vegetables to crafting the perfect pie crust, Amber easily and effortlessly navigates the kitchen. (She’s also fluent in French and beautiful, but I’m not allowed to be jealous because now she’s family.)
But Amber wasn’t born with all this ability, either. Hard work in her classes plus lots of practice at home and on the job have made Amber a talented chef.
The same principle is true for almost every person; from the Olympic athlete to the amateur oil painter, skill comes from years (and years and years) of practice.
So it makes sense the same principle would apply to our spiritual lives. We’re all born to connect with God. Unlike sports or musical talent, God created us all with the ability to have meaningful relationship with him. But an “unconscious competence” doesn’t just happen—we have to practice.
I considered this during a prayer night at my church last week, which is itself symptomatic of the issue: I am not good at prayer. My thoughts drift around from chores to shopping lists to future blog posts. I contribute little of value to the conversation and I receive even less because I have trouble slowing down and focusing my mind on the present moment and the God who allows it.
But I can practice. I can meditate on words or verses, I can write my prayers, I can be still every day even though it’s difficult. It may take years to see progress, but nothing of value that I’ve learned so far has come easily—why should my spiritual “skills”?
Sure, we all have areas of special giftedness, and prayer isn’t one of mine. But using that truth to excuse a lack of progress is like flunking math because I’m “an idea person.” I must work at prayer, at forgiveness, at joyfulness. I must practice being kind, serving with humility, and controlling what I say until these actions become truly second nature. Maybe in 30 more years I’ll have it down.
work in progress
Lately I’ve had several discussions in which I found myself saying versions of what I don’t do:
Grant writing is a very specific niche and requires a lot of expertise to get dollars, so I would be more helpful in proofing your first or second draft.
The type of book you’re suggesting is equivalent in work and research to a master’s thesis and I can’t ghostwrite it for you; perhaps if you do the initial version I can edit it and make it better.
I can easily write SEO web copy but, trust me, it’s better for all of us if I don’t do the programming.
Also there was one conversation I thought but did not verbalize about my preference for getting a colonoscopy rather than working with a particular software company again.
The common theme—besides being asked to do things way above my experience level, which in its own way is kind of nice—is that after three years of freelancing (Latin for “do whatever pays the bills”) I have lost sight of my mission.
In broad terms, I help organizations doing good to do better—I work primarily with nonprofits because that’s where I have connections, and I typically provide organizational consulting, marketing ideas, copywriting, or project management to get it done.
And it’s successful because I usually can pay the bills. But that’s not good enough anymore; I need to think about other questions: What work is so fun I lose track of time? What ideas or causes mean the most to me? How do I want to spend 40-65 hours a week?
To kick things off I am rethinking what I’m best at. Here’s what I have so far:
• Finding great decorating ideas in magazines
• Leaving my house without an umbrella
• Buying used books
• Memorizing kind of lame Kelly Clarkson songs
• Updating my Facebook status
• Losing my keys
• Saving the environment by using a toaster oven to cook 75% of my food
• Feeling too lazy to flip the switch on the toaster and eating sherbet for dinner instead
• Walking in heels
• Planting begonias
This is why Stephen Covey makes so much money.
in defense of summer vacation
Kids across the country return to school this week, and it makes me sad. Granted there are tons of kids ready to go back, and just because I hated school for 17 years does not mean I am anti-education.
But what happened to the three-month summer? Today’s kids get out in late May, start pencil and scissor shopping in July and are tucked back behind a desk before August even gets going. When I was younger, June, July AND August were sacred, and were spent riding bikes, climbing trees, attending church camp, reading piles of books from the library, scrounging up quarters to pay the late fines, eating popsicles, cannonballing into the pool, sunburning shoulders, and pestering little brothers. Bliss.
Of course, not every child’s summer was so idyllic, and researchers now believe children without access to camps and libraries suffer “summer learning loss.” As a result, more schools, especially in lower-income areas, are extending semesters and school days and shortening summer breaks.
For instance, according to a recent Time magazine article, Cincinnati offered the 13 lowest-performing schools in the city an optional “fifth quarter,” or extra month of classes, this past June. This seems equivalent to offering Guantanamo prisoners an extra four weeks of waterboarding, but Governor Strickland hopes to eventually add the extension to every school in the state.
Others point out our country’s low achievement scores relative to Europe and Asia, and some believe sociological shifts support the extended day. “Our children are no longer working in the fields,” says US Education Secretary Arne Duncan in the same article. “And Mom isn’t waiting at home at 2:30 with a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. That just doesn’t happen in American families anymore.”
This seems like a classic mistake of cause and effect. For one, that mom (or dad) who’s not home to greet the children after work may also be too tired to give much help with homework or attend parent-teacher conferences. I’m not trying to open the whole should-women-work topic, because the issue is more complex—both moms and dads (when present) improve their kids’ academic performance by taking an active interest and involvement in the process. Keeping kids in school longer won’t make the parents less stressed or more on-task when the kids finally get home.
Second, many of our schools are already in crisis, with teachers struggling to manage huge classes and dwindling resources. Extending a child’s stay in some of them is about as productive as giving the mouse a bigger wheel to run. Some educators realize this, and are using the extended time as an opportunity to give extra attention to the kids who need it most. “Clearly, focusing on the students that are furthest behind is where it makes the most sense,” says Chris Gabrieli, chairman of Massachusetts 2020, which helped create an experimental extended day program in 26 low-performing schools throughout the state. “Middle-class kids, they get a lot more learning time outside of school—they get tutors, they get arts programs, they get music programs, they get summer camps.”
And so we return to my own memories of summer, three predictably wonderful months ending with predictably pathetic tears on Labor Day. Because I had the benefit of those enrichment activities, plus a good public school and involved parents, I graduated at the top of a big class and earned a 31 on my ACT. Although the meager bragging rights of that sentence are about the total good the ACT did me, neither did the long summers do me any harm.
A few more hours each week might help our students become more competitive, but our parents and schools also have a few things to learn. Let’s use the time we have more effectively before piling more onto little sunburned shoulders.
why I hate comcast
Jay (18:31:28) Hello Jennifer, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Jay (18:31:39) Okay. Sure.
Jay (18:31:40) Before anything else, can you please provide the complete account holder’s name, account number, as well as the account service address?
Jennifer (18:32:09) Name is Jennifer Taylor, address is xxxxxxxxxx
Jennifer (18:32:28) I think my account number is xxxxxxxx-x
Jennifer (18:32:44) At least that is what this service ticket says
Jay (18:34:03) What is your questions, Jennifer?
Jennifer (18:36:08) Okay: I previously lived at xxxxxxxxxx. I had basic cable at about $12/month and internet for $35.99/mo. Last week I called to cancel service there and begin service here. Today the techs came and installed my internet. I noticed that according to the work order my new monthly total will be $62.95. But I told the person on the phone when I set up the appointment that I currently do not own a TV and no longer need the TV service. So I think my bill should be closer to the $36 plus fees.
Jay (18:37:11 ) Thank you for that information.
Jay (18:37:29) So the services that were installed today were cable and internet, is that correct?
Jennifer (18:37:37) No, just internet.
Jay (18:38:25) Thank you for that information.
Jay (18:39:04) Jennifer, I can only see internet service to be installed and no installation for cable tv.
(Right, that’s what I said…..twice.)
Jennifer (18:39:36) Okay, the point is I just want to make sure when I get my first bill that I will only be billed for internet service. Can you confirm that and tell me the monthly estimated total?
Jay (18:42:17) Jennifer, I understand that your service was just installed today, is that correct?
Jennifer (18:42:21) yes
Jay (18:48:04) Thank you very much for patiently waiting. I would just like to set expectations that your services will be fully activated 48-72 hours after installation. As of now, your services are still not fully activated that is why no bill has been generated yet.
Jay (18:50:33) However, I would just like to assure you that only internet service is indicated here for installation.
Jennifer (18:50:44) Thank you for verifying that. But surely you can tell me now what the monthly rate is for internet service. That’s what I need to know.
(Two minutes pass, inexplicably.)
Jay (18:52:08) You are most welcome.
(crickets chirping. Two more minutes.)
Jennifer (18:54:09) So can you tell me what the monthly internet cost is?
Jay (18:54:59) One moment please.
(Six moments.)
Jennifer (19:00:19) I just need to know Comcast’s monthly rate for internet in my area. That’s it.
Jay (19:00:41) Thank you for patiently waiting.
analyst Jay has been temporarily disconnected. Please wait while the analyst attempts to reconnect.
analyst Jay has entered room
Jay (19:02:57) The monthly rate in your area for internet is $19.99.
(Physically resist every urge to type, “See, that wasn’t so hard.”)
Jennifer (19:03:24) Great. Thanks.
Jay (19:05:31) I also sent a copy of the bill to your billing address for you to verify, Jennifer.
Jennifer (19:05:56) But I thought you said a bill couldn’t be generated yet.
Jay (19:07:23) Yes.
Jennifer (19:07:36) Okay. I think we’re done here.
Jay (19:09:13) Thank you for choosing Comcast and have a great day!
08/21/09 UPDATE: Received bill. For $62.95.
singled out
I’m usually fine with being single. I’d like to be married someday, but life is good and I’ve always been (too) independent, so I’m content on my own…..usually. This week was not one of those times.
Nope, didn’t see a cute couple holding hands. Didn’t watch a sappy movie. Didn’t even feel too stressed at the prospect of unpacking and setting up the new house by myself—actually, I enjoy doing this alone without a guy insisting, as one of my friends insists to his wife, that every wall be painted only white.
So, none of those things. Instead I had a glass jug fall on my head.
Thursday morning, while standing on a chair attempting to see if the vat I use for iced tea would fit into the top cabinet (answer: no), I lost my grip and it tipped forward, slamming into my right eye before hitting the ceramic tile and shattering.
Instantly I’m bent over at the waist, one hand pressed to my eye, bruises forming and blood dripping between my fingers, shards of glass everywhere, and no one here: no one to find a butterfly Band-aid so I won’t scar (my first concern, I admit); no one to deal with the mess; no one to advise if it’s worth a trip to the ER; no one to help me find out where the nearest hospital even is.
So I did what I always do: I took care of it myself. I stopped the bleeding and covered the cuts with bright green bandages featuring yellow cartoon giraffes (and made a mental note to buy some normal ones). I iced the bruises. I swept up the glass. I postponed my trip to the grocery so as not to frighten small children.
And I thought how nice it would be to have someone looking out for me now and then, even if it means too many white walls.
