Write About Now

Eating contests.

Kenny Chesney’s appeal.

Why Americans are threatened by the idea of universal health care.

Why Christians are threatened by the idea of global warming.

Eating milk chocolate when you could eat the dark stuff.

The phrase, usually used during church announcement times, “We would ask you to……bring a casserole to the potluck/remember those Campbell’s soup labels/reserve your Golden Heirs Branson tickets/keep praying about Darlene’s polyps.” If you would ask, just ask.

“Customer service” 800 numbers requiring you to input your account number……only to have a live person ask you for it again when they finally come on the line.

Naming one’s children so that introductions sound like an ad for a law firm: “These are my kids Auten, Channing and Chamberlin.”

Cigarettes made with 100% organic tobacco.

Churches still failing to grasp that a group named “Pairs and Spares” will not attract many “spares.”

The people who live in warm climates and brag about it when they call you in winter, as if they had anything to do with the weather.

How I always get in front of the one person in the theater who feels compelled to offer an ongoing commentary about the movie.

The apparent brain-melting difficulty of actually matching congregational singing with the Powerpoint graphics containing the words.

Buying expensive toilet paper.

How Louie, an 8-pound runt of a cat, somehow maneuvers me to the very edge of the mattress each night.

Why Christians had to create “GodTube” instead of just putting their stuff on YouTube where people in need of God might actually see it.

The intermittent spraying of vegetables at the grocery store. Do people really believe the broccoli is fresher if it’s also dripping wet and impossible to get in a flimsy plastic bag?

Watching reality TV. My life has enough reality.

(Click here for part 1.)