Write About Now

I watched the inauguration ceremony and bits of the other celebrations between meetings with the Christian Standard contributing editors yesterday. While the two events seem completely opposite, they discouraged me equally.

I’m fascinated by the fascination with our new First Lady’s wardrobe. The blog Mrs. O chronicles her daily fashion choices with behind-the-scenes information on designers and stores, and I doubt you were able to pick up a paper or visit a major website today without pics of her white one-shouldered ball gown from last night. Even the New York Times got in on it with a 90-second analysis of Mrs. Obama’s “vigorously stylish” fashion choices.

My parents’ generation remembers the Camelot of the Kennedy years and mine now celebrates the yet-to-be-nicknamed Obama presidency with its own confident young leader, his beautiful and trend-setting wife, and their two adorable young children. Michelle’s degrees from Princeton and Harvard Law School and her prestigious work experiences just gild the Jason Wu-wearing lily, taking the Jackie O. to Mrs. O comparison right up to 2009.

I’m jealous. Of her money, her education, her beauty, her influence, her experiences.

The contributing editors meeting is also fascinating, with challenging brainstorming sessions, extended discussions over second and third cups of coffee, and new insights into old ideas. I always leave these gatherings with books to read, websites to visit, and ideas to ponder; devotions by Jon Weece and Randy Gariss and several encouraging conversations topped it off this year.

And I’m jealous: of these leaders’ opportunities, their influence, their education, their experience.

At age 32, it seems I should be further (farther?) along by now—I should have my own confident and accomplished husband, my own children, my own course to greatness. I should be leading big ministries like my contemporaries Jon Weece at Southland or Kyle Idleman at Southeast. I should have written a book or two, launched my own ground-breaking social justice organization, or mobilized thousands toward a cause. I should, at minimum, know whether it’s “further” or “farther.”

Yesterday I felt inspired by our country’s peaceful transfer of power and discouraged by my own lack of influence…..honored to rub shoulders with our movement’s leaders and frustrated by my own small contributions to our gathering…….ready and eager for something more and unsure what exactly that is.

The scholar and theologian Erasmus said, “The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.” I’m confident I’m not going to be the president’s wife or a megachurch pastor……..but I’m ready to be more than a bored freelance writer.