great planes
Planes, Trains & Automobiles is one of my favorite movies of all time. In fact, I watched it three times this week while finalizing a new website. (Shameless plug: www.worship.net)
The movie stars John Candy and Steve Martin as two traveling salesmen trying to get home for Thanksgiving and developing an unlikely friendship along the way. Although it’s now more than 20 years old and from a time without internet or cell phones, the delays, hassles and I-want-to-bash-my-head-against-a-wall-but-only-after-I-strangle-you moments of business travel still ring true.
Here’s hoping you have safe, uneventful journeys this week. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
fleeced
This week at the National Missionary Convention, Florence Muindi shared the story of seeking God’s will in a ministry decision. After praying about whether to stay in Africa or move to the United States, she asked God to confirm the right direction with two things: if her brother wore a green shirt to lunch the next day, and if she woke up to exactly 16 emails in her inbox, she would stay in Ethiopia. If not, she would move to the States.
The next morning her young son, aware of the terms, woke her up to announce she had 16 emails. Later that afternoon they both stared at the green shirt Florence’s brother “just felt like wearing” that day.
In Christian circles, “laying out a fleece” is not often encouraged. It’s true we aren’t to test God, and there’s a danger in constructing arbitrary circumstances and viewing them as divine intervention. But no one in the Tulsa Convention Center on Thursday night would argue Muindi was wrong to pray that prayer, or that it wasn’t conclusively answered.
How do we know when, or if, it’s okay to “bargain” with God this way? Is it a matter of sincerity? Muindi was truly torn about her decision, truly seeking God, and truly committed to obeying no matter what His answer. How many of us can claim the same thing when we ask for specific confirmation? I wonder if our desire to receive such tangible responses to prayer is actually a lack of faith which “fleeces” God of the opportunity to build our spiritual muscles.
I’ve only prayed this kind of prayer one time. Several years ago during a trip to the beach, I prayed that God would change the heart of a man I loved who didn’t love God. “If he will become a Christian and this relationship has a future, let me see a shooting star,” I prayed while walking along the sand one evening. I knew the odds of glimpsing one of these nighttime visions was rare. Not ten seconds later, seriously, I looked up to see a star shoot across the sky with a gleam of light. Inside, I beamed as bright as the star, certain God had answered my prayer with a yes.
Later that year, the guy told me he would never change his mind about Christ and we ended the relationship. Maybe I should have asked to see a green shirt instead.
leading women
So far in my career, I’ve worked for half a dozen men, many of them hard-driving and lacking the warm fuzzy gene. In volunteer and freelance assignments I’ve worked with at least a dozen more. I’ve gotten along famously with all of them.
In that same time span, I’ve worked directly for one woman and alongside a couple others. These relationships are the only serious professional conflicts I’ve experienced.
Sometimes only a member of the group is permitted to generalize about its members or talk honestly about its failures, so I’ll share something a man would be tarred and feathered for saying—women in leadership do not play well together.
I’m not sure why. Does the salary disparity and glass ceiling still experienced by modern career women allow only the most politically-skilled or aggressive to find success—and then inevitably cause conflict when they start managing others?
Is it generational? I’m sure the women before me had more to prove than my friends and I do today. It could be threatening, infuriating, or both to see my generation climbing the ladder without quite as many male feet stomping us back down.
Or is it culturally learned behavior? For millennia women without muscle or means have been taught to find our power more covertly, from the relatively innocuous (“Honey, just let him think it was his idea”) to the more damaging (you remember Delilah, right?). Although the workplace’s job descriptions and more blatant power structure theoretically eliminate the need for such power games, do we still play them instinctively?
Or is it the mothering instinct? My experiences with women in leadership over me were positive as long as they could be framed as adult/child relationships, with these women teaching me or directing my work. When I wanted to relate as adult/adult—still respecting their authority, but with my own strengths and ideas—things took a turn for the worse.
Or maybe it’s just me—I am, after all, the constant among these situations, so perhaps the log in my own eye is divisiveness and insubordination. Except that no one else seems to think so, and a lot of other women I know—when pressed—will admit to having the same experiences.
In fact, when the guys are in another room, my girlfriends and I discuss these issues. In a way, we’re searching for answers to determine our own options. If only the pushy or manipulative woman can succeed in corporate America (or the corporate megachurch), that means we can either achieve our goals or like who we are. It seems an unnecessary choice.
There are wonderful women leading out there, too, several of whom I consider friends as well as colleagues. But it is interesting that my heartburn and headaches can all be traced back to women. Ladies, this is bad branding for all of us. Our mothers and grandmothers worked hard for appreciation and respect in the workplace. We can’t blow it now that we have some corner offices.
tweet talk
Some people experience peer pressure to drink. Others are pressured to take drugs, skip school, or steal. I get pressured to join Twitter.
Twitter, in case you’re not one of the millions worldwide already hooked in, is a cross between blogging and text-messaging. Users post 140-character-or-less updates about their daily life, thoughts, and experiences—some once a day or so, others almost constantly. You can “follow,” or receive the updates of, anyone you choose, and accumulate “followers” of your own who elect to receive your updates. “Real life happens between blog posts and emails,” the site says. “And now there’s a way to share.”
Here are some recent Twitter updates from my friends:
“Resting for a minute after first coat of ‘Dreamy Caramel.’” (complete with “twitpic” of the freshly-painted room)
“Waiting for laundry to finish and enjoying a nice, rainy fall evening.”
“Home from small group where we wished a happy birthday to my apprentice leader.”
“Waiting in our cafe for smart-rockstar-woman-leader jentaylor.”
(Thanks for that one, Kyle.)
I’ve resisted the pressure so far for several reasons. For one thing, and with apologies to my already-Twittering friends, it seems rather egocentric to assume others want the details of my every moment. Then again, I already update my Facebook status once or twice a day, which is arguably just as self-involved, and Twitter can now update both at the same time.
My bigger resistance stems from a growing sense that I’m already too plugged in, already too reliant on and addicted to email, and already wasting too much time surfing around the ‘net. I don’t think I need another site to keep track of and updated, and since I’ve also pushed back against the iPhone bandwagon I would have to log into Twitter each day to “follow” the tweets from friends. (The iPhone now has an app which allows you to send and receive Twitter/Facebook updates.) Apparently I’m okay with naval-gazing, but only if it doesn’t take too much time.
So “everybody’s doing it,” and I’m on the fence. Do you Twitter? Why or why not?
things I don’t understand
The saggy pants trend.
STILL forgetting to silence a cell phone in any church service or performance.
Any math above Algebra 1.
Paying $150 for a swimsuit.
The appeal of misspelled food products, like Cheez Whiz or Sno-Balls.
Chasing tornados.
The backlash against Harry Potter by the same Christians who loved the Narnia books.
Why people will spend $4 for a bag of chips but not a few cents extra for organic fruit.
The many worlds theory, although I think it’s cool.
Why parents of young children feel compelled to answer the question, “How old is your child?” with something like “22 months and three weeks.” Couldn’t you just say, “Almost two”? I didn’t really care that much anyway.
Why my hair always looks really good when I’m just staying home all day.
Vehement opinions about Coke vs. Pepsi.
Why 19th century pioneers willingly moved to frigid places like North Dakota and Minnesota when they could just as easily have headed south.
Why people still live in North Dakota and Minnesota.
The point of the “I’m alive I’m alive I’m alive I’m alive” chorus in the worship song “You Alone.”
Refusing vaccinations for one’s child.
How to score bowling.
The people who hear a “No flash photography” announcement and take pictures anyway.
Choosing to eat the Breakfast Burger at Carl’s Jr—bacon, cheese, hamburger, eggs AND tater tots…….on a bun………before noon.
While we’re on the topic, who on earth is eating those mashed potato/corn/fried chicken/gravy bowls at KFC? Or the fried macaroni and cheese bites at Arby’s? Or the corn dog nuggets at A&W?
Stay tuned……there may be more.
walking papers
Whether its results left you weeping and gnashing your teeth or weeping with happiness, the 2008 presidential election is finally over. (Can I get an amen?) Regardless of how you feel, remember it’s always more constructive to pray for our elected leaders than to disparage their followers.
It’s also a good idea to continue sharing your concerns and ideas with those leaders. Conventional wisdom says to write your congressman, but since March 1, teacher B.J. Hill has offered another alternative.
Beginning in San Francisco, Hill has spent the last eight months walking across the country and inviting the people he meets along the way to write messages to the next president. His blog records the journey and often includes an especially moving or clever “MoTD”—message of the day—from the notebooks full of handwritten notes.
“People have written pleas for all sorts of causes, and they’ve written cheerful messages like ‘Don’t forget to cuddle with your wife,’” Hill says. “I’d like to think the next President will keep my notebooks on his nightstand. At the end of a long day, he might pick them up and hear from all the people that I’ve met. Then he might set the books down, and feel inspired to make a difference.”
Hill plans to continue walking until reaching Boston on December 1. He’s in North Carolina now, so southern drivers (you know who you are), try not to hit the boy.
a thought for election day
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: It wasn’t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena.
—Jon Stewart
bright idea, or big mistake?
I spent my Saturday evening at a Waffle House with Marcus Bigelow from Stadia and Bobby Harrington from Harpeth Community Church and Church Coaching Solutions, discussing a potential book project scheduled for early next year. You had no idea the writer’s life was so glamorous, did you?
In addition to lots of talk about church planting, the conversation included a discussion of small groups. I’ve shared my views on this before; while these groups might (might) be pleasant, they seem artificially intimate and spiritually shallow.
Except for one exception. Several years ago I joined a group of women who decided to read through the Bible together in one year. That was it: no purchased curriculum, no videos, and no summers off—just a dozen women, ranging in age from 24 to 64, who followed a reading guide during the week and met each Monday night to discuss what they’d learned.
In the process, these ladies spontaneously, naturally did all the things small group members are always being encouraged to do—prayed for each other, delivered hot meals after the birth of a baby or death of a loved one, and developed friendships. Older ladies informally mentored the younger ones, moms of small children sought advice from more experienced mothers, and single gals banded together to find roommates or spend holidays together.
Even better, the group members grew spiritually. In addition to welcoming women of all ages, the group welcomed women of every faith background and maturity level. Some had Bible college degrees, while others had never read the Bible. But everyone read the assigned chapters (most weeks), everyone attended Monday night gatherings (most weeks), and everyone ended the year closer to each other and to God. The group has grown so big it’s spun off at least two other groups and some ladies are on their sixth or seventh year. (If you want to learn more, check out Diane Stortz’s Christian Standard article here. Diane and I both participated in the group its very first year.)
So I’m sharing all this with Bobby, and we’re talking about the many advantages of this kind of relational discipleship and its promise for small groups in the future, and suddenly I had an idea. What if I invited the women in my apartment complex to this kind of Bible study? I could hang up a few signs in December inviting them over for a short, no-commitment gathering to get more information, then launch the group in January. Together we’d pick a night that worked for the majority, I’d provide the reading guide and some hot drinks, and we’d see what happened.
I’m still kicking this around, and I’d love to know your thoughts. The group I describe above literally transformed several women from baby Christians to spiritual warriors, “just” by providing a safe place to read and discuss the Bible. It’s simple, low-cost, and allows God’s Word to do the work.
But it’s a big commitment for me, not long after I’ve acknowledged my need to say no to some things. I don’t really have time for it. I don’t really know any of my neighbors. And I don’t know what I’d be getting myself into.
Maybe that’s why I should do it.
Jennifer Taylor
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