Write About Now

Last week I began writing an article for Christian Standard’s “year of the elder” about churches using structured programs, service activities, accountability, Bible study, and other tools to develop discipleship and leadership among their men. One church specifically created its program to build a corps of future elders, while two other churches focus on the more general (but equally important) goal of growing junior high and high school boys into mature Christians.

Last week also included a conversation with a good friend about men our age acting as leaders in dating relationships, marriages and churches. She considered our mutual friends, the guys in her small group, and her past boyfriends.

“There aren’t any guys up for that,” she concluded. “Maybe you should just settle for someone who’s good for you in other ways, because you could be waiting a long time.”

My experience differs somewhat; I have dated and been friends with a few guys who were beginning to live this out as young men, and I have watched my dad and other men consistently lead this way. But I agree that most guys, of all ages, seem either unaware of this calling or unprepared to translate it into reality.

For instance, when was the last time your pastor preached on the biblically-ordained roles for men and women? (Did I just see you wince?) Or even mentioned it as part of a larger point? It’s a controversial subject these days, reason enough for many churches to shy away. As a result, some guys don’t even know there’s an issue to discuss.

My interviews with churches highlighted another obstacle—helping men become mature leaders requires personal relationships, mentoring, and time. With few quick fixes or immediate payoffs, it’s one of those essential-but-unglamorous tasks. And “spiritual leadership” can also be ambiguous, so a meaningful attempt to teach it requires identification and interpretation of examples throughout Scripture—another time-consuming endeavor.

But when churches don’t invest in younger guys, many end up leaving the church after receiving car keys or a high school diploma. When they don’t invest in older guys (some of whom got the diploma and a wife, had a kid, and decided church wasn’t so silly after all) the whole church suffers, including that pastor who eventually finds himself working with an immature or unqualified team of elders.

I’m glad a few congregations are initiating the tough discussions, communicating the expectations, and putting in the time to help guys grow into mature men of God. These churches aren’t willing to settle, and neither am I.