21 club
Many of my blog entries lately have been lists. Well, it’s summer, and attention spans are shorter; no one wants to read an essay on why I think high schools should expand sex education beyond abstinence. (Actually, only about four of you probably did the first time.)
Plus, today my friend Jon celebrates his 21st birthday and his parents asked friends and family to share a word of encouragement, favorite scripture, or life lesson to mark the occasion.
Presumptuously, I decided to send 21 lessons, because Jon is one of the few people in my life a) easygoing enough to appreciate piles of unsolicited advice and b) young enough to possibly think I might have some wisdom worth sharing.
But I’m not alone—I’m sure you have some good advice for this young man, too, so add what I’ve missed. The happy birthday email I just sent him directs him here to read the full list, so he’ll see your comments, too. And I’ll come up with something non-listy for next time.
21 things to remember as you turn 21:
1. Once in a great while, you get better results from being so assertive you’re almost rude. (A recent phone conversation with Comcast, i.e. the worst company on the planet, comes to mind.) 98% of the time kindness is the way to go.
2. It’s okay to skip over the long census lists when reading Numbers.
3. The person who talks the loudest isn’t always the person who’s right.
4. Elisabeth Elliot’s father taught his sons to only say “I love you” to a woman if prepared to follow it up with “Will you marry me?” This may not be an entirely practical idea today, but the principle is still good: do not mislead a girl, and don’t give her 100% of your heart until you’ve made a lifetime commitment to her.
5. Ditto on giving her 100% of your body.
6. Ask if the cat constantly pukes before you adopt it.
7. Learn the difference between their/there/they’re and its/it’s. Sadly, if you use these words correctly you’ll seem more professional and better educated than 75% of the population.
8. Find at least three vegetables you like and eat two of them every day. It’s okay if cheese is involved. Corn and potatoes don’t count.
9. Some people will be your friend for just a phase or a season, and a few will be your friend your whole life. Both groups are valuable, but be sure to take care of the lifers.
10. When you get the chance to travel somewhere, anywhere, take it.
11. You cannot change people. The best you can do is change how you respond to them or how you let them affect you.
12. Be nice to the waiter. Tip well.
13. If you get stranded in Ft. Wayne, IN two days before Christmas in the biggest snowstorm to hit the east coast in ten years, and the little dude with a scraggly mustache informs you your luggage didn’t make it, remember #1 and insist on viewing the collected baggage to make sure. It will be there.
14. Do not use your credit card as an emergency fund, and balance your checkbook every month.
15. Wear sunscreen.
16. It’s not only ethical to be honest, it’s also easier. You don’t have to keep your stories straight, and you can handle small issues before they become ginormous.
17. In all the Michael Jackson hoopla, I re-watched his 1983 performance of “Billie Jean.” As tragic as the rest of his life became, those 4 1/2 minutes are inspiring; he was born to sing and dance. St. Irenaeus said that the glory of God is man fully alive. Discover what makes you fully alive and then spend your life pursuing it.
18. Worries seem bigger and scarier at night. Get some sleep and come back to it in the morning.
19. Regularly spend time with four year olds.
20. Some things we find really fun aren’t worth our time, and some things worth our time are completely not fun. Do the important stuff whether it’s fun or not.
21. Just because you’re now old enough to drink legally doesn’t mean you’re old enough to drink too much. Moderation in all things, my friend (even vegetables).
rings of fire
I lied—this vacation does include blogging, if blogging means showing video of my cousin Scott and my brother Geoff ruining a baking sheet from our rent-a-house by spelling “USA” in sparklers. Also included for your viewing pleasure are the “Crackling Salute” explosives I bought and Geoff’s plan to light four of them in tandem.
Yes, fireworks are illegal in North Carolina. What’s your point?
personal checks
Shared a hotel room with my parents for a week……check.
Organized a tea for women in ministry at churches and parachurches…..check.
Met new friend Ruby, age two months, and cuddled against her will…….check.
Drank 278 cups of coffee and ate the best banana pudding ever…….check.
Received “Why aren’t you married yet?” inquiries from seven people……check.
Emceed a luncheon with Tammy Trent and a Bible study with Liz Curtis Higgs…..check.
Participated in encouraging and productive conversations about work projects…..check.
Caught up with special old friends and remembered one more time how blessed I am…….check.
Slept too little……check.
Raised money so the NACC could have a women’s conference this year and coordinated the details……check.
Was thanked for my help……well, maybe next year.
Another NACC is history, and I’m off to the beach for a week—no edifying books, no schedules, and no blogging. Catch you in a week, friends!
things I don’t understand, part 3
Dreadlocks.
Why Office Depot bothers to have checkout lanes. The only person who’s ever working is the guy in the copy area.
Why hotel lamps have to turn on and off with those stubborn push buttons instead of operating like every other lamp in the world.
Eating rice cakes.
Why, instead of finding my house on a map and getting directions before leaving, people WHO MAKE DELIVERIES FOR A LIVING just “wing it” and call me five times in an hour as they randomly try highways in the hopes of getting close. If you aren’t smart enough to Mapquest some basic directions, frankly I’m not sure I WANT you upholstering my couch. You might sew yourself to a cushion.
Choosing to attend Bob Jones University.
The response from my neighbor who, after I told her kindly but pointedly that I would have a dog myself if I wanted to clean after them in my yard, said brightly, “Oh, yeah, you should get one.”
Kindergarten graduations.
Surprise that Jon cheated on Kate and the 8. Seriously, would you want to live with that woman?
Straight men wearing mascara.
Arbitrary capitalization (“Please Wait for the Next available table”).
Why the previous owners of my house wallpapered the sunroom with interlocking orange-on-orange squares.
The people who argue with me that, yes, my cell phone number actually IS the Honda parts and service line. Do they think I don’t know?
armed service
First of all, I’m not questioning your constitutional right to have a gun (although after reading Columbine I’m less convinced than ever that our current system is working—sure, eighteen year olds should be allowed to purchase semi-automatics at a gun show).
What I am questioning is why pastor Ken Pagano recently encouraged his flock at New Bethel Church in Louisville, KY to come to church armed.
This Saturday New Bethel is hosting an “Open Carry Celebration,” featuring videos promoting gun safety, patriotic music, a raffle—and extra security.
“As a Christian pastor I believe that without a deep-seated belief in God and firearms that this country would not be here,” Pagano told ABCNews.com. “I’m not ashamed of that fact. I’m proud of it.”
Evangelical Republicanism, otherwise known as “you can’t kill ‘em but we can” (NO to abortion and stem cell research, YES to capital punishment and war), has many adherents who confuse love of God with love of country. When patriotism = freedom and freedom = guns, you have a conservative who values the 2nd amendment. When patriotism also = Christianity, you get statements like Pagano’s.
And I get heartburn. For one thing, I know plenty of Christians who have enough crazy already, thank you, and don’t need to be attending pentecostal worship services with handguns.
Second, the whole “permissible but not beneficial” thing comes to mind. Is this really the best way to present the Gospel to lost people? I know churches are questioning the whole seeker-sensitive model, but that doesn’t mean we have to become seeker-scary.
And look at the energy New Bethel’s investing to promote, plan, and defend this event. There really wasn’t anything more Kingdom-building to do in Louisville?
Ironically, this story hit just days after George Tiller was killed for performing late-term abortions. He was shot. In a church.
We may differ on the ideal balance between church and state, but can’t we agree on separation of church and ammo?
shop, in the name of love
Some problems are so overwhelmingly big. How can I, just one small person, address the physical, spiritual, and educational needs in Africa? How can I preserve what’s left of the beautiful world God created? How can I get all reality TV off the air?
Human trafficking is another one of these issues. According to Kevin Bales’ book Disposable People, 27 million people around the world endure forced labor as slaves. According to UNICEF, more than 2 million children are exploited in the global commercial sex trade each year. And according to the U.N., the total market value of human trafficking is over $32 billion. That means slave traders make more money than Google, Nike and Starbucks combined.
So, no, I can’t fix this myself. But as with poverty and AIDS in Africa, the pollution of our oceans, or the new season of Real Housewives, we can all do something: Sponsor a child. Invest in a microloan. Turn off the TV.
And shop! Yesterday Emily Hill launched Stop Traffick Fashion, a site filled with beautiful and very reasonably-priced bags, necklaces and earrings made by adults and children rescued from human trafficking. Your purchase guarantees you a unique accessory while supporting these workers; best of all, a percentage of all sales goes directly to STF’s partners to help rescue others.
Emily reads this blog and has kept me posted about this new initiative. I’m so impressed with her creativity and determination to make the world a better place. And I’m planning a meeting to see if we can do something about Jon & Kate.
ask force
Love this. Little things matter!
the graduates
I’ve been home a couple hours now, but I’m still smiling. Tonight I had the privilege of attending the end of year banquet for Christian Community Services Inc., an organization here in Nashville that helps underserved families become completely self-sufficient—that is, not relying on any form of assistance, government aid, or public housing. To accomplish this mission CCSI pairs mentors from Woodmont Hills Church of Christ and Schrader Lane Church of Christ with “mentees”—usually young single women, usually with a few kids—who commit to nine months of classes on budgeting, parenting, relationships, life skills, and finance. Tonight’s dinner honored this year’s 17 graduates.
I wrote about CCSI for a recent Christian Standard, and I encourage you to read the article to learn about the program’s other components: tutoring for the mentees’ children, relationship-building around shared weekly meals, individual development accounts that encourage and reward saving, and even ongoing support to help graduates become home buyers. It’s a program that could work in any city, and needs to receive more national attention for the immense good it’s doing in this one.
But I also encourage people to check out CCSI because of that curious word “underserved.” When I began researching the ministry and interviewing its staff, I appreciated the focus on personal responsibility and self-sufficiency, but didn’t understand how the families served by CCSI were under served in any way. To be frank, I thought what many of us, if we’re honest, sometimes think: they get our money for food stamps and welfare—sounds like they’re being served just fine.
I quickly learned why the term is so appropriate. In the words of Dr. Jones, minister at Schrader Lane and co-founder of CCSI, “Disenfranchised people do not set out to be that way. And they are not destined to stay that way. But to change the generational patterns, we must show them a better way.”
CCSI provides these students with information you and I may take for granted—why to save money, how to create a budget, why to avoid check advance stores, how to set boundaries in relationships, how to discipline children. With this knowledge, and the love and support of their mentor and the CCSI staff, these women completely change their lives, paying off thousands of dollars in debt, saving for their homes, revolutionizing their family lives, and ending the cycle of unhealthy or unproductive choices.
These women are “underserved” because at some point they missed out on opportunities to learn basic skills and foundational information. CCSI offers a second chance.
So tonight I sat with my new friend Ukela, a graduate and new homeowner who is now a paralegal, actress, model and author, and we cheered for all 17 graduates and for our table mate Angel who signed the papers for her new house at 9:00 this morning. LaTonya gave a great testimony about the difference CCSI made in her life, one of the Tennessee Titans (who’s very cute and who should date Ukela) shared some encouraging words, and, since none of us had the winning orange dot on our program, we made sure Angel got the centerpiece of yellow flowers to take to her new home. And I’m still smiling.
bad care day
Years ago I decided selective apathy was key to a happy life. This is a less positive way of stating the boundaries principle—you can’t and shouldn’t let everything affect your emotional equilibrium and you must choose what’s worth the energy.
For instance, a man in my parents’ subdivision complains loudly at HOA meetings about how “the neighborhood is going downhill” but also HANGS DEER CARCASSES FROM HIS TREES in hunting season. My advice (not that they asked) was to skip the meetings altogether, since The Deer Hunter is unlikely to change and life is too short to deal with idiots. (This is an even less positive way to state the principle.)
The problem is this form of self-protection often borders on selfishness. It’s one thing to avoid neighborhood meetings, it’s something else entirely to avoid the neighbors, many of whom need Jesus.
In a recent Leadership Journal article, Pete Scazzero says acedia, the word used to describe the deadly sin of sloth, actually translates to “not caring.” Therefore sloth encompasses not just (or even primarily) physical laziness, but emotional and spiritual apathy.
I thought about this on Saturday as a good friend shared the latest in her ongoing attempts at being salt and light in relationship with a coworker. Her description of their conversations and the coworker’s current struggles (the church is intolerant, the church is sexist and looks down on women, yada yada yada) did not spark my evangelistic zeal or prompt me to pray—it just made me tired. Perhaps it’s because I spent years engaged in long apologetics battles with a man I’d rather have been engaged to marry, but even now I feel only impatience with the coworker’s issues and an overwhelming gladness I don’t have to deal with them.
And that’s wrong. When new situations dredge up past hurts, I can admit those feelings. When the conflict-phobic church leader or tunnel-vision boss makes another bad decision, I can choose to let it go for the sake of my blood pressure. When the self-absorbed neighbor hangs up the kill, I can close the blinds and try to ignore it. But when I structure my life to avoid God’s call to love others, I’m the biggest idiot of all.
Jennifer Taylor
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Twittering @seejenwrite- seejenwrite: I'm rapidly approaching that stage of the move where you'd rather throw your belongings away than pack and lift them.
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